On New Year's eve, we had our last usrah for 2015. The usrah which was supposed to take place on Monday was postponed to Thursday because we had exam. (Oh, my next paper is tomorrow, by the way). That night, we didn't discuss on bahan usrah, but we did qadaya - a discussion and sharing session to reflect on ourselves; personal self, study, our involvement in tarbiyah & da'wah, etc.
Then, my murabbiah stated something about readiness
that has made me realized a thing.
That I was always in denial.
I did not prepare myself to face what I had to face.
I did not prepare myself to do what I had to do.
Thus the slow progression and low motivation.
Well, it's a good thing there's a progress though.
At the end of the usrah, I reflected a lot on what I have experienced throughout the whole 2015. From January to December.
In just one year, I have experienced a lot of things, met many people and took many responsibilities.
But I was in denial. I did not accept them, but I took them.
In which I now realized, it was wrong.
I knew 'La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha'
but I didn't really live the ayat.
Therefore, from now on, I should change.
Learn to accept what is given to you. Learn to accept the choices you have made. Learn to accept, and take action.
In accepting, preparation is needed. Mind setting is crucial.
With sufficient preparation and appropriate mind setting, insya-Allah, you can carry out anything properly.
Being in denial, saying "I'm not that kind of person" "I can never be a good ____" will only limit your chances to grow.
Now you have become that kind of person. You have been chosen to do ____. So take action!
Accept your roles, realize that now you have roles to fulfill - old ones and new ones. and live.
Changing ain't easy.
Accepting ain't easy.
But insya-Allah, if try our best, Allah will help us.
Alhamdulillah for the realization that night.
Alhamdulillah for the enlightment.
I denied many things in 2015.
I hope I can be ready and accept good things in 2016.
May the days to come bring better experience to shape us to be a better humanbeing,
which have two main roles to fulfill - as His 'abd and as caliph
and other additional minor roles as well.
May Allah be with us all the time, to light our ways and show us the right path.
May our hearts always be humble, towards Allah and towards His creations.