Monday, August 20, 2018


I used to be able to adapt myself easily in a new environment.

but now I think it's getting harder and harder.

It's hard to adapt myself with my current life. Maybe it's because too much changes are happening at the same time.

Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I feel strong, sometimes I think I can bear with it just a little bit more.

and sometimes, I just lose it.
Tonight is one of those times.

It is hard...
This is hard...

pray for me.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Time is long

Since I left school, I had always felt that time passed quickly. Suddenly, foundation year ended. Suddenly, degree ended. Then it felt much quicker once degree ended. Suddenly, many of my friends are married and expecting. Suddenly I'm married.

Then I got pregnant. Time began to pass much slower.
I was very conscious and concerned on every development I was going through.
"the baby is three months." "the baby is four months" "the baby is five months" etc
Time felt so long, maybe because I was longing to see the baby. Plus I focused much more on the present. I felt like I didn't want to lose any second.
Then it's time for delivery!
Akram was born. Then time passes much more slower.
There's new development in Akram every day/week. So it's exciting to see what he can do.
I'm still conscious and concerned on what's happening every day.
Still don't want to lose any moment of this.
Still enjoying the present.

Some friends & family members said "kejap je dah 9 bulan," "kejap je dah lahir"
But I didn't feel it was kejap. I waited long. I enjoyed and suffered (lol)  it long enough.

Akram's now 2 months, and still, some said "kejap je dah 2 bulan"
And I still don't feel it's kejap. It feels long.
And I truly enjoyed every moment of it.
(and also suffered long during pantang lol).

I don't know how can I feel this way. Maybe it's because I'm taking a break from study. I mostly stay home.. Doing the usual things (chores and nothing). I don't know..

But one thing for sure,
I feel happy.
Happy and contented.
I am happy I can enjoy every moment.
I am happy I can appreciate the present.
I am happy I'm starting to notice many blessings around me, and can get to see more bright sides of life.
I am happy I'm feeling more positive.

I am truly happy.

Alhamdulillah for this chance.
I hope even when I start studying again,
Even when I get more busy with life,
I can still focus more on the present, be appreciative and positive always.

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

The Birth of Akram MS

Akram bin Muhammad Sofwan

is the name of our baby. He was born on the 21st of May and 5th of Ramadhan, at 2.24 a.m. at Hospital Sultan Ismail, Johor. Alhamdulillah, all is well.

The experience of giving birth is a remarkable one. As I reread my journal and the previous whatsapp on the day of the delivery, flashback of the night came through my mind. Can't believe that I had given birth. Can't believe that we have made it. Sometimes as I look at Akram, I can't believe that my husband and I already have a son! It hasn't been a year since we're married, but almost.

Nonetheless, alhamdulillah the labour process was smooth despite the super painful pain. Haha. The super painful part was the contraction, right before the push. The push part was not painful, but rather, it was super tiring. We checked in at the hospital at 11 p.m, I was sent to labour room at 12 a.m and the baby's out at 2.24 a.m. I think maybe the nurses helped me to give birth sooner because I was crying too loudly during the contraction haha. Glad I prepared myself to study the relaxation and breathing technique to handle pain, if not, it could be much worse.

The experience of confinement is also a remarkable one, though I''m still in the confinement period. I thought my body would recover quickly after birth, like "I'm finally getting my body back" feeling after pregnancy, but nooo, I felt more pain after giving birth. My body was very weak during the first week. I couldn't even sleep on my side because my shoulder and my arm would hurt. And I'm also feeling pain some more parts of the body like the labour wound, contraction and the breastfeeding pain. No wonder mothers are so great. Especially mothers of many children (my mom) because they experienced this repeatedly. Wuwu.

Although the pain was there, I can be happy now because Akram is well. My husband, parents and sisters are with me during this confinement period too so I'm very thankful to them. Many things can be done and I'm recovering well because they are here. Allah is making things easy for me. Alhamdulillah.

Anyway, today is Akram's 17th day (2 weeks, 3 days) and his development so far:
  • He can smile when his name is being called (only happens when he's actively awake)
  • He can make sounds other than crying. A short sound, like a sigh. But it wasn't frequent.
  • He still don't have sleeping pattern. His sleeping duration varies around 1-4 hours.
  • He drinks every 1, 2 or 4 hours, but mostly, every 2 hours.
  • He farted (or maybe pooped) loudly, so easy to detect XD.

Throughout pregnancy, I read surah Luqman and Maryam a lot. I read other surahs as well, but I think the two surahs moved me the most.

Surah Luqman tells about parenting and role of a child towards his parents. It was mentioned there that a mom is very weak during pregnancy and I could relate to the ayat so much. There were many times where I felt my body couldn't be as active and energetic as before. I missed several classes and events due to headache, body got easily tired and I easily cry too. The thought of having a baby inside me kept me rational and positive, other than the supports and love given by my family and friends.

Meanwhile, surah Maryam tells the experience of Maryam giving birth to Prophet Isa (Jesus). Labour was a very difficult process that even Maryam said (while enduring the pain) that maybe death is better for her. It was after that that Jibril came and helped her going the process of labour. While I was in labour, I was reminded of surah Maryam a lot. At that moment, it really felt like only Allah can help me. And the only thing that kept me positive is remembering that Allah is with me. He made us go through this, so it's possible to get through this. I hope I'd be that tawakkal towards Allah not only during labour, but throughout my whole life as well. Huhu.


Parenthood is just beginning. Life is still going on after this. I still need to complete my masters. Then, will start job hunting. Hopefully things will be well, insyaAllah :)

Ramadhan is ending soon. May Allah accept our deeds and guide us towards being a better mu'min soleh and muslih. 

Daz all. Feels good to be blogging again.