Thursday, November 10, 2016

Blessings in Disguise

Salam and hi.

Brief life update: I've graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in TESL. Alhamdulillah, with Allah's will, i made it through all 8 semesters including the terrifying FYP (it's only terrifying because I did it in the last minute). So now, after having 2 months of break, I'm studying again. Currently pursuing Masters in TESL in the same uni.

Huh I gotta make this quick because I hve usrah after this.

Ok here goes.

These few weeks since last month, a lot of things had been happening, and some things are still happening right now. I was so stressed, I felt so suffocated, I felt like I want to give up and quit everything.

I talked with a few people about my problems and what I felt, but it doesn't help much because it's my problem and I still need to solve it myself.

So this week, i found the proverb "blessings in disguise" while doing last minute tutoring for my SPM student. Then it hits me that all of these are blessings in disguise.

Allah is testing me. He's teaching me to be stronger, to be more positive. This is tarbiyyah. If I can't handle these things now, how can I handle bigger issues in the future? Adui.

So I prayed more, read Qur'an more but it still feels like all of these are a lot to take in... But i kept the prayers and quran reading going because it's my bekalan.. (oh, i also read other books to help myself, like Bekalan di Sepanjang Jalan Dakwah perghh serius best)

And finally, today..
I prayed zuhr in the utm mosque (MSI). I tried my best to focus on Allah and only Him. After the prayers, i felt like doing more sunnat prayers. And so I did. With a big hope that I could be a better being, a better muslimah, a better daughter, a better student, everything. Feeling so little and helpless in front of him.

After I was done, I got up and step out of the mosque, while praying in the heart that Allah would enlighten me with my studies today. I have 2 discussions to go to.

As I walked towards the library, I saw a lady walking and she's smiling at me. I didn't know her, but it made me happy. I smiled back at her and thought this is Allah's way to make me happy.

But then i thought naaah, who am I to deserve that from Him. It's not unusual to have a stranger to smile at you.

Then another lady walked by, and she too, was smiling at me. Wow, this is rare. Two strangers smiling at me when we were walking. This is really Allah's way of making me happy.

Thank you Allah. Kesian sgt kot aku nangis tadi. Haha.

Then I went for the discussions. One after another. And Alhamdulillah, things went well. I felt enlightened on what to do. Things felt better. I don't feel lost anymore.

Now I feel I can carry on. One thing had been handled. I just need to handle the rest with my best too while keep praying to Allah.

Things are still hard,
But it felt better.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

Oh, throughout these past months, there are also several things that made me happy and delighted. I should write about them kan. To reflect on the blessings not in disguise that Allah has given. Hehe. And to make me feel more grateful :)

But maybe later. Gotta rush now. Till then.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Positivity


Let's be grateful and happy.

"...la in shakartum la'azidannakum..."
[Ibrahim, 14:7]


Lesson Learnt from 2015

Bismillah.

Salam.

On New Year's eve, we had our last usrah for 2015. The usrah which was supposed to take place on Monday was postponed to Thursday because we had exam. (Oh, my next paper is tomorrow, by the way). That night, we didn't discuss on bahan usrah, but we did qadaya - a discussion and sharing session to reflect on ourselves; personal self, study, our involvement in tarbiyah & da'wah, etc.

Then, my murabbiah stated something about readiness
that has made me realized a thing.

That I was always in denial.
I did not prepare myself to face what I had to face.
I did not prepare myself to do what I had to do.

Thus the slow progression and low motivation.

Well, it's a good thing there's a progress though.


At the end of the usrah, I reflected a lot on what I have experienced throughout the whole 2015. From January to December.

In just one year, I have experienced a lot of things, met many people and took many responsibilities.

Yup, responsibilities.

But I was in denial. I did not accept them, but I took them.
In which I now realized, it was wrong.

I knew 'La yukallifullahu nafsan illa wus'aha'
but I didn't really live the ayat.

Therefore, from now on, I should change.

Dear Aliya,
Learn to accept what is given to you. Learn to accept the choices you have made. Learn to accept, and take action.

In accepting, preparation is needed.
Mind setting is crucial.
With sufficient preparation and appropriate mind setting, insya-Allah, you can carry out anything properly.

Being in denial, saying "I'm not that kind of person" "I can never be a good ____" will only limit your chances to grow.
Now you have become that kind of person. You have been chosen to do ____. So take action!

Accept your roles, realize that now you have roles to fulfill - old ones and new ones.
and live.

Huhu.

Changing ain't easy.
Accepting ain't easy.

But insya-Allah, if try our best, Allah will help us.

Alhamdulillah for the realization that night.
Alhamdulillah for the enlightment.


I denied many things in 2015.
I hope I can be ready and accept good things in 2016.


May the days to come bring better experience to shape us to be a better humanbeing,
which have two main roles to fulfill - as His 'abd and as caliph
and other additional minor roles as well.

May Allah be with us all the time, to light our ways and show us the right path.
May our hearts always be humble, towards Allah and towards His creations.


Wassalam :)