Thursday, November 10, 2016

Blessings in Disguise

Salam and hi.

Brief life update: I've graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in TESL. Alhamdulillah, with Allah's will, i made it through all 8 semesters including the terrifying FYP (it's only terrifying because I did it in the last minute). So now, after having 2 months of break, I'm studying again. Currently pursuing Masters in TESL in the same uni.

Huh I gotta make this quick because I hve usrah after this.

Ok here goes.

These few weeks since last month, a lot of things had been happening, and some things are still happening right now. I was so stressed, I felt so suffocated, I felt like I want to give up and quit everything.

I talked with a few people about my problems and what I felt, but it doesn't help much because it's my problem and I still need to solve it myself.

So this week, i found the proverb "blessings in disguise" while doing last minute tutoring for my SPM student. Then it hits me that all of these are blessings in disguise.

Allah is testing me. He's teaching me to be stronger, to be more positive. This is tarbiyyah. If I can't handle these things now, how can I handle bigger issues in the future? Adui.

So I prayed more, read Qur'an more but it still feels like all of these are a lot to take in... But i kept the prayers and quran reading going because it's my bekalan.. (oh, i also read other books to help myself, like Bekalan di Sepanjang Jalan Dakwah perghh serius best)

And finally, today..
I prayed zuhr in the utm mosque (MSI). I tried my best to focus on Allah and only Him. After the prayers, i felt like doing more sunnat prayers. And so I did. With a big hope that I could be a better being, a better muslimah, a better daughter, a better student, everything. Feeling so little and helpless in front of him.

After I was done, I got up and step out of the mosque, while praying in the heart that Allah would enlighten me with my studies today. I have 2 discussions to go to.

As I walked towards the library, I saw a lady walking and she's smiling at me. I didn't know her, but it made me happy. I smiled back at her and thought this is Allah's way to make me happy.

But then i thought naaah, who am I to deserve that from Him. It's not unusual to have a stranger to smile at you.

Then another lady walked by, and she too, was smiling at me. Wow, this is rare. Two strangers smiling at me when we were walking. This is really Allah's way of making me happy.

Thank you Allah. Kesian sgt kot aku nangis tadi. Haha.

Then I went for the discussions. One after another. And Alhamdulillah, things went well. I felt enlightened on what to do. Things felt better. I don't feel lost anymore.

Now I feel I can carry on. One thing had been handled. I just need to handle the rest with my best too while keep praying to Allah.

Things are still hard,
But it felt better.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

Oh, throughout these past months, there are also several things that made me happy and delighted. I should write about them kan. To reflect on the blessings not in disguise that Allah has given. Hehe. And to make me feel more grateful :)

But maybe later. Gotta rush now. Till then.